WHY WAIT?

        Engagement is probably the most difficult time to live by God's standards regarding sexual behavior.  Yet, God is clear about His standards.  This alone should be reason enough to answer the question, "Why Wait?"

WAIT FOR WHAT?

There are two ways to answer this question, a positive approach and a negative approach.  The Bible is far more than a list of things God doesn’t want us to do (negative).  It is a guide to the most fulfilling, meaningful life possible (positive).

The Positive Approach: Say “yes” to maximum marriage

The male-female, monogamous marriage relationship is intended by God to be the highest human experience.  It completes each person, provides a solid foundation for life and society and represents Christ’s relationship with his church.  (Gen 2, Prov. 5:15-23, Song of Solomon, Ephesians 5:21-33, etc.)

Sexual intimacy is intended by God to be the ultimate expression of this highest human relationship.  To be sexually active outside the commitment of the marriage relationship is to devalue this divine institution.  This includes such things as “pre-marital” sex, homosexuality, adultery, incest, etc.

It is a tragedy when couples who are “in love” but have not been joined together in marriage (Gen 2:24) engage in premature sexual behavior, it is more than just inappropriate (1 Cor 7:9; 36), it is a violation of God’s perfect plan for marriage.  As the next section will discuss, premature sexual involvement often results in a marriage that is less than God intended for it to be.

The Negative Approach: Say “no” to immorality

        When the Bible speaks of "sexual immorality", what does it mean?  Many couples use the literal meaning of the word fornication to say that God has permitted sexual behavior as long as it stops short of intercourse.

        Jesus did not understand it this way.  His comment on the seventh commandment was that a man who looked lustfully at a women had committed adultery with her in his heart.  Surely,

Jesus has called us to more than a "how much is too much” attitude! (Matthew 5:28)

        The New Testament uses the word fornication (greek pornea) 44 times.  Every time, it used to say that God disapproves of sex outside of marriage.

        Ephesians 5:3 says that there "must not be even a hint of sexual immorality".  I Tim 5:1 says that young men are to treat young women "as sisters with absolute purity".  This phrase means

that there should be nothing in a relationship between an unmarried couple that would not belong in a relationship between a brother and a sister!

        It is inappropriate for unmarried people to engage in any activity which causes either of them to be sexually aroused.

YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING!

        Why would God ask us to do something which is so difficult?  Could this really be what He wants?  Here are a few practical benefits of obeying God in this area.

1. Disobedience is always more costly than obedience.

2. Two out of three engagements are broken.  These people have had sex with someone else's spouse.

3. Dating and engagement are crucial times to establish a foundation of trust and security.  If either partner violates their sexual standard now, there will never again be an atmosphere of complete security.

At some point in your life, the temptation to commit adultery will be as strong as your temptation now.  If you don't learn to deal with it now, you may not be able to deal with it then.

4. It refines your faith.  Simply put, the question is, "Do I really believe that what God says is best?"

5. It protects your Christian testimony.  Sex is Satan's number one strategy to disqualify you from serving God.

HOW TO WAIT

1. Ask, "What situations lead us into temptation?"  BE SPECIFIC!!

The problem here will be honesty.  You will feel embarrassed that certain things arouse you.  Now is a great time to establish patterns of honest communication.

2. Avoid these situations.

Beds are off limits!

Don't lie on the couch together.

Go only on double dates.

Don't watch questionable movies or TV shows.

When you need to alone, be "alone" in public. (restaurants, etc.)

Dress modestly

etc.

The problem here is "who is responsible for keeping these standards?"  The man needs to take the lead but he is normally the one with the stronger temptation and therefore more likely to rationalize.  Both of you must agree not to compromise.

3. Memorize scripture together (start with Job 31:1; Psalm 101:3; Romans 12:1,2; Romans 13:14; I Cor 6:12-20; I Tim 5:1,22)

        God's desire for you is to live a life time of abundance.  Don't forfeit that for a few minutes of pleasure.  God wants you to have a great sex life with your spouse.  He knows the best way to get it.

        Your question prior to marriage should not be "How far can we go?" but "How much like Christ can we become?"